Photo: Clay Banks
Experiment: Commit an Act of Kindness Every Day for A Month
Ok, so why…
- I’m often focused on personal goals and self-improvement. This is an opportunity to shine the spotlight of my efforts on others. Trust, I will still benefit from the feelings of good will. But just because I can’t be purely selfless doesn’t mean I can’t inch a bit closer.
- The world needs less stress, misinformation, and fear-inducing media… and more love.
- Making other people happier is an easy way to make yourself happier. As my girl Anne Frank said, “Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.” So let’s create a happiness pandemic. Kum-bah-yah, namaste bitches, and LFG!
Uh oh…
- I had to cut a significant number of my ideas that did not align with the current social distancing requirements. Giving up your seat on public transportation or sending dessert to another table at a restaurant, for example, are simply not options right now.
- Rather than scrap or postpone this experiment though, I’ve opted to modify and move forward, because now is exactly the time when most people could use a little extra love in their lives.
About that…
- The only person I’m recommended to come within 6 feet of, my husband, is going to be the easiest, obvious choice for many acts of kindness. In order to infect enough people with my kindness, I am limiting myself to a max of 5 of my 30 acts for him. The rest will all be for other people, including many strangers.
I betcha…
- This will test my creativity and perseverance. I’m doing 30 unique acts, so this is something I’ll have to think about and plan out every day for a month. I may hit additional roadblocks given the rapidly changing environment, but that’ll keep things interesting and make this a worthy challenge.
DO try this at home…
- Let’s goooooooo! Here are my 30 acts of kindness. What 1 could you try today?
- Wish someone happy birthday along with a compliment.
- Send flowers to a nursing home.
- Smile at everyone you encounter for a day and gaze kindly into their eyes as long as possible without being creepy… this doubles as a Comfort Challenge. Mother Teresa said, “We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.” I say, just remember to blink so you don’t look…
- Make someone a playlist.
- Leave a larger than normal tip just because (on delivery or takeout).
- Call your parents and have them share an old memory that makes them smile.
- Put change in someone’s expired parking meter. (Keep in mind that re-metering is illegal in some cities, especially when you are allowing them to stay beyond the time limit. Also keep in mind this makes it more fun.)
- Make an anonymous donation to a local charity.
- Let a coworker vent about an issue and, if appropriate, offer your advice.
- Leave a random uplifting note on someone’s windshield.
- Buy a $5-10 gift card and leave it somewhere for the next person to find, e.g. taped to gas pump with a “take me and pay it forward” note.
- On a local block, pick up all other dog poop (plus your own dogs’ poo if you have any, obvi). This also reduces the “social proof” that not picking up your dog’s droppings is acceptable for those considering this form of shit littering… or what I call shittering.
- Order and mail pictures to friends that elicit fond memories.
- Give someone in your home a massage. (Even a little shoulder rub can go a long way when a loved one or roommate is stressed.)
- Drop off or mail someone a book you think they’d like.
- Write a list of things you love about someone. Send it to them.
- Call an old friend you haven’t spoken with in years to reconnect.
- Keep your phone away entire time you are with someone (in your home or while on a video call using a computer or tablet).
- Send someone a handwritten letter or postcard.
- Cook someone a meal (in your home or that you can drop off somewhere).
- Give someone in your home a really good hug.
- Send someone a souvenir from your city (or from a past vacation).
- Recall a time together with a friend that makes you smile and send that friend a “thinking of you” message about it.
- Send someone a care package.
- Drop off coffee and treats or have a gift basket delivered to your local law enforcement or fire station.
- Send a Thank You note to a career mentor (or two) that has helped you.
- Send a free trial or discount for an app or service you enjoy with some friends who might appreciate, e.g. sharing a discounted meal prep service trial or a free month to a mindfulness app—a particularly welcome idea for most right now… On that note, I’m a fan of Sam Harris’ Waking Up app. Feel free to try a month for free here. I also love Sun Basket, which you can try here with a $20 discount (or $40 discount if your order is >$60).
- Treat friends to a meal, e.g. offer to order for them from a food delivery app or restaurant.
- Wash someone’s car.
- Ask someone about their day. Listen deeply. (Use your body language to make it clear to them that you are engaging fully.)
Week 1-2 Notes…
- It felt good to do some good deeds anonymously, e.g. slipping some $ into people’s expired parking meters like a mischievous philanthropist or an urban modern Robin Hood, especially because I am not sure if it’s legal to do that here.
- Acts like this also give me a little fuzzy dopamine glow for a while.
- I learned some fun stories from my parents, like how after my family rode Space Mountain at Disney World when I was a kid, my grandpa asked my mom with a half chuckle, “What were you thinking letting me ride that?” In hindsight, it might have been a bit much for a 70+ year old to endure, but he survived.
- I am becoming aware of and seeking out more little opportunities during the day to be kinder.
- The trick is to balance this with taking care of your own needs too, especially in the uncertain environment we are living in now. You don’t need to become a people-pleasing martyr, but most of us are pretty far from forgetting our own needs completely.
- There is comfort in focusing less on one’s own issues and reactions to the global pandemic and instead shifting some of that focus toward making someone else’s day a bit brighter (or at least less shitastic).
- This roundabout way to improving your mood reminds me of a Henry David Thoreau quote: “Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will evade you, but if you notice the other things around you, it will gently come and sit on your shoulder.”
Week 3-4 Notes…
- It’s been argued that there’s a bit of selfishness in any altruism. If the intent is to help improve the lives of others though, does that matter? It’s a healthy, less selfish form of self-care.
- When you make an effort to do something good for someone else, it sends a subtle message to your mind that you must be doing alright if you’re able to focus some of your limited resources on helping someone else.
- It felt great to send a gift basket to Oakland police. I doubt they get much love and appreciation despite the tough job they have.
- Be patient and take a long-term approach:
- Sometimes your acts will go unnoticed or unappreciated—even the ones that aren’t anonymous. That’s fine.
- Be flexible. I offered to treat friends to a delivery meal of their choice, and they requested I donate to a relief fund for their school instead. Of course! It was a thoughtful idea on their part that spread the kindness a little further and to those in a greater state of need.
- Timing can matter. The time at which you’re ready and willing to help someone may not always align perfectly with their moments of need. E.g. How do you plan to “let a coworker vent about an issue…”? One approach is to have a list of acts, wait to pounce on the right opportunities, and cross them off as you go.
- If we adopt a LT approach, while some acts will make more of a difference than other acts, the net effect for you and others is undoubtedly positive.
Whoomp, there it is…
- This was a fun one. It took some planning and creativity but was well worth it.
- After doing this for a month, I have trained these muscles to better spot opportunities going forward where acts of kindness can fit into my life.
- I’d love to repeat this one in the future, especially post-pandemic, with a completely new list.
Thanks for reading! Please leave me a comment with any feedback and/or what you think my next experiment should be:
- No Sweeteners (I currently use stevia 3-5 times every day)
- Daily Affirmations, e.g. writing out by hand a mantra 15x/day
- Daily Journaling
- Read 30+ minutes everyday
- Your suggestion?
Re(Sources):